By 
INTRODUCTION
Credit for the phrase, Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future, it is sometimes assigned to Niels Bohr, occasionally to Robert Storm Petersen, and often (by Americans) to Mark Twain. In fact, the original author of that quote remains unknown and that’s okay. Most of the predictions from a century or more ago were, of course, not very good. There were few forecasts of moon landings, computers or artificial intelligence, nuclear weapons, or widespread revulsion against Confederate statues and flags. What’s more, no one came close to predicting a president like Donald Trump.
Precise predictions about the future are certainly difficult. The more complex and nuanced, the less likely it is that the prophecy will come true, at least plausibly. Predictions do not survive time travel. Too bad, in a way, that Nostradamus turned out to be a charlatan and that mediums, psychics, clairvoyants, fortune tellers, oracles, and crystal ball readers are as spuriously false as prosperity gospel preachers.
OTHER THAN PRAYER, NOTHING FAILS LIKE PREDICTIONS
Could anyone have predicted just six months ago what our country has become today, with everyone wearing or arguing about masks, the economy on the brink of the abyss, and more than half the population working at home or not working? Plus, who knew what turmoil, division, and uncertainty Americans would be enduring less than four years from that tragic night of November 8, 2016, yet another date he’ll have to live through in Infamy? Not likely. Anyone who predicted the extent to which the United States has descended into a stinking, acrid toilet bowl condition would have been prosecuted for disturbing the peace. No, not even a pessimist of Hieronymus Bosch’s imaginative powers could have imagined such a dark and gruesome turn in chaos, even at some distant date, let alone within a single presidential term.
However, the wisest and most eloquent women and men, the best among us, should be encouraged to apply their talents and insights to positive sketches of how things could be and how to get there. These jobs would be worthy exercises, if only to console ourselves now and amuse our descendants in the future.
What could you conjure up, if only as a mental exercise, if you were invited to offer a prediction to be included in a time capsule?
At the end of this essay, you will be invited to offer one or more predictions for the United States a century from now. First, however, he’ll consider some forecasts from a speech in 1888. Perhaps in doing so, he’ll feel like trying his own hand at the task. It may seem easy, but only if you don’t mind being wrong.
DUTIES AND PRIVILEGES OF THE PRESS
A truly great American, illustrious and celebrated in his time but unknown to most today, he made a speech in the early days of 1888 in which he ventured some future scenarios. The subject of his predictions was the duties and privileges of the press. He may want to find and read the entire toast of the Captain’s dinner platter. Do so and you will appreciate why he (to be named below) is so highly acclaimed today by the few who know of his work and cherish his memory.
The speech began with a description of how relations between states used to be, when the nations of the world were ignorant and provincial, when populations were separated by walls and barriers of language, prejudice, custom, race, and religion, and they were received only as enemies.
Important changes took place when movable type was invented and civilization entered the brain of Europe. Paper and books followed, and eventually nations began to exchange thoughts instead of blows. A trade of facts, of theories, of ideas followed. Newspapers arose and exchanges became plentiful and cheap. Peasants became citizens of the world. In America, local prejudice, or what the speaker called mud patriotism, abated, and the Nation was unified. The people became American in the best and highest sense. This, he declared, is one of the greatest things the press can accomplish in America, namely, the unification of the country, the destruction of parochialism, and the creation of a patriotism as wide as the territory covered by our flag.
In short, he attributed the appearance of the same ideas, the same facts, the same news, brought to millions of homes every day, as a great and splendid object.
And offered some predictions. Well, except in three cases, not so much predictions as prescriptions to address the social problems existing at the time of his speech to the police captains in New York.
LOOKING TO THE FUTURE
One of the three predictions was as follows:
Now we have sixty million free people. Look at the map of our country… There you will see a territory large enough to feed, clothe and educate five hundred million human beings.
Not that far off the mark as of 2020 (330 million). This population prediction would probably have been much higher if he could have foreseen the fact that twelve additional Western states (including Hawaii) would join the Union in less than a hundred years.
A second prediction was interesting but quite general:
This country is destined to remain as one. The Mississippi River is Nature’s protest against secession and against division.
Well, we are still one – there are no secessions since the Civil War that he, as a colonel who led troops in several grim battles – knew all too well, but we might as well be two, given the great divisions among the people that now exist. I seriously doubt that I would have expected a division between those who favor unity, science, masks, truth and equal justice and those who support a leader who promotes division, superstition, the freedom to infect others, prejudice, alternative facts and favors for undeserved privilege.
His third prediction, also plus a recipe, was a call for an International Court of Justice. Such happened in 1946 after World War II. This court is now the main judicial organ of the United Nations (UN).
We call that nation civilized when its subjects submit their
differences of opinion, according to the forms of the law,
to fellow citizens who are selfless and who accept the
decision as final… Each nation defines its rights and its
obligations; and nations will not be civilized in respect
of their relations with each other, until there is
A National Court has been created to decide the differences
among the nations, before whose judgment all will bow.
Finally, in his short speech to the police chiefs, he expressed hopes for the Press of the future, which:
… direct its powerful energies to the unification and civilization of humanity; to the destruction of provincialism, of prejudices, to the extirpation of ignorance and the creation of a great and splendid patriotism that embraces the human race… the Press must appeal only to the highest and most noble of the human heart.
What a good idea. Unfortunately, while we do have media outlets striving in this regard, there are some (hello foxnews) which does just the opposite of what the speaker expected.
You will no doubt realize that the speaker who gave that speech in Police Captain’s Dinner in 1888 it was Colonel Bob Ingersoll, the inimitable Great Agnostic of his day.
MY OWN PREDICTIONS
I have five predictions, all optimistic. Even if I am convinced that the sky will fall on July 18, 2138, my 200th birthday, I would not include that information. These are predictions from the bright side. What good can come from fostering fear about the future, even if we are doomed?
Swami Donny hereby certifies that there will be:
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Nearly all 500 million Americans in our 51 states. Yes, DC will be recognized shortly after the election of President Biden and an overwhelming Democratic majority in both the US House of Representatives and Senate.
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Widespread recognition of the importance of the daily minimum vital requirement of 23 DBRU equivalent units of mental nutrients. This breakthrough alone will create and sustain REAL wellness lifestyles of such high quality that the average male lifestyle will increase to 108; women 115.
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There are no gay Americans. Neither are lesbians. Also, there are no blacks or Hispanics, but not because America has gone totally homophobic or racist. There will also be no straight or white people. Such distinctions will be irrelevant, inconspicuous, and almost without consequence. Americans will be intertwined, intertwined, and enlightened, and there will be so many sexual preferences (which, of course, there always have been) that only a prevert would be inclined to pay attention to them. Of course, there will still be primary males and primary females, but there won’t be much fuss about such things.
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Rights recognized and love shown to all animals. Those of us living today and before us will be seen as barbaric and uncivilized for having eaten and mistreated animals as we do. However, future Americans will understand and forgive who we are today and will therefore be a little sympathetic to our ignorant but terrible ways. We just didn’t know better. Few citizens will experience the abuse and traumas that lead to the common behaviors of our day: bullying, rape, looting and the like. Whole foods and plant-based diets will be the norm, although insects will also appear on menus.
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No Vatican, except as a museum. Religions will be out of business: customers will leave, icons will be thrown away, dogmas will be discredited, and bankruptcy will be declared. Credit the advancement of science, the vastly improved education systems, and the secular embrace of cosmic nonsense for these advances. The latter will have been reinforced by a recognition and appreciation of the fact of this short existence, allowing most citizens to imbue their precious time with joy and fulfilling meaning and purpose for this life, the only one we have.
There’s a lot more that would be nice to know about the future, but I’m not going to exaggerate my predictive talents by going even further into the proverbial extremity.
The only thing we can be sure of is that the future lies ahead. Good luck.