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My husband is mirroring himself. He’s a mess, so he found someone else who’s just as messed up.
Those in the midlife crisis [MLC] business down; There may be several reasons.
- The knight in shining armor syndrome: You are looking for someone who can look up to you and look up to you. He needs a lady in distress.
- Birds of a feather… He found someone who matches his current level of behavior and maturity.
- For some, Pond Scum is the only thing available, the only thing willing to date him.
- He has loose morals; she’ll let him live the bachelor party life. She’s on the loose with alcohol and maybe drugs. She will let him do whatever she wants as long as she can control it.
- Curiosity: He wants to take a walk on the wild side (boldly go where many men have gone before).
- Variety is the spice of life.
- He thinks she’s trashy, easy and therefore a sure thing.
The OW can be your opposite, why?
- If you are a moral person who would not date a married man, he will not find a willing woman who is like you. Therefore, it follows that she would be different from you. The moral woman does not knowingly date married men.
- If she sees you as too nice, perfect, or godly, she may be her rebellion against what you stand for.
- Whether he shows it or not, he feels immense guilt. Since a lot of the guilt stems from his adultery, you are a reminder of his guilt, and therefore thoughts about you make him worse. A woman like you would remind her of her guilt, from which she is trying to escape.
- It didn’t work out with you, so he wants someone different.
- MLCers live within their own shadow; they become their own opposite. We subconsciously search for partners who meet our needs and missing pieces. In his opposite state, he needs a person other than you to do this.
There is nothing special about her other than that she gives him her attention and admiration, that is not to be underestimated. She satisfies her need for validation. An OM must be willing to date a married man. She may not seem willing to push him to leave and divorce you, but she was willing to start a relationship before he met that requirement.
Strong people who value themselves do not allow themselves to get involved with married people. MLCer OWs are desperate women looking for a savior to save them from their pitiful lives. Therefore, they will do whatever it takes to get this man who has shown a track record of commitment through his marriage; therefore, it is a better catch than a man who is available. She auditions for the role of the perfect fantasy wife by listening to her problems and calming her wounded ego. She is attentive not only sexually but also, and more importantly, emotionally.
OMs allow their despair to cloud their judgment. She is so desperate that he justifies his mistreating you and believes that he will never mistreat her too. He didn’t choose OM because he’s better than you or because you failed. He did it because she was willing.
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Some of you will dismiss the Affair Down scenario when you find out that the OW is an MBA and has a higher paying job than you or your MLCer. An Affair Down is not an OW intelligence rating nor does it indicate educational or professional level. A Rocket Scientist employed by NASA may be an Affair Down; intelligence, educational level or career status is irrelevant; it is about mental and emotional instability. Emotional and mental instability knows no socioeconomic or cultural limits.