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By not being present, by pretending that I can have two or more attentions simultaneously, I betray the moment of eternity for the temporary release I feel I could have by looking at a little machine on the end of my arm.
Whether it’s an important email I’ve been waiting for, or some kind of message from a friend, acquaintance, or even a prospect, I really need to admit that there’s always a buzz when receiving mail.
I think the first thing I can remember when I got excited about mail was receiving a postcard or a letter or even a package in brown paper wrapped with string in the mail when I was a preschooler. (There’s something about a package wrapped in brown paper and a string that takes me back to the ’70s.)
The problem is partly about accessibility, about us being too accessible, but it’s also partly about the craving for information. We are all vulnerable to this new addiction: the fear of missing out or FOMO.
The timing of this article is poignant given that it is Father’s Day in Australia. The Fathering Project has significantly elevated the role of dad in recent years. And it is normal for parents to expect it to be celebrated on this special day of the year.
But what if as parents we take some time to reflect on the disruptions our devices create?
Let’s be honest.
Could we be so bold as to think of some discipline structure that would restore our control over the machine rather than relinquish our control to it?
I have done what many people have done over the years and deleted apps on my phone. But there are still the texts and emails that I like to respond to in a timely manner.
I’ve needed to be reminded from time to time to stop looking at my phone during family times, and I think I’ve come to accept how quickly I replace my precious family time with superfluous things. It is fortunate that my wife can be direct with me. But it saddens me how many precious family moments I have missed with my children. I doubt they have noticed, because it is not such a big problem, but that is the problem; we continue to allow technology to interfere and sometimes ambush us in our lives. And sometimes it can be completely necessary.
So here’s a message for dads: can you be fully present with your children during the precious moments that you have them?
It seems like childhood never ends for parents, but as anyone with grown children will tell us, once that time is gone, it’s gone. I think I was still embarrassed that my three adult daughters were growing up. I’m so glad they’re adults now, but as parents, if we’re honest, we’ll always miss them. However, I am so proud that they have their own lives. And I still have a five-year-old boy who is a great gift to us.
I think for me being a good father is about refocusing daily and finding ways to be present.
Fatherhood is for today. We can’t afford not to make the most of every moment, but we will inevitably waste a lot of it. Let’s make the most of as many of those moments that we might otherwise waste.
Note: being a dad, I will not speak for moms.