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When a separated husband begins to visit, many wives are very excited. After all, many of us know wives whose estranged husbands rarely, if ever, call or keep in touch, much less communicate in person. Most of the time, we try to tell ourselves that your start of visit is hopefully the first step toward your desire to return home full time.
So when this doesn’t happen, we can get very frustrated and disappointed. And we can start to wonder if he is playing. You may hear a wife say, “I was excited when my husband started coming home. I thought after a week or two of these visits, he would ask if he could move in again. And I was ready to say yes. No wait to start over. Unfortunately, this is not what happened. Keep coming home fine, but at the end of the visit you will get in your car and drive away. I have not confronted you about this yet because I do not want you to visit stop. But now I’m starting to worry. What if he has no intention of going home? Is he coming home? “
There are a couple of possible reasons I can think of, but of course this can only be speculation because only the husband can know what he is thinking. I will list some possibilities below. And you can see if this sounds like a possibility to you.
He is inclined to go home. But you’re still not sure and want to make sure it doesn’t move too fast: Very often, the spouse who did not want the separation in the first place is willing to win back their spouse even if their problems have not been resolved. They will take you back any way they can catch you. They are not necessarily thinking very far. They don’t wonder what happens when he gets home and all the problems start to crop up again.
But that does not mean that your husband is not thinking about this. You may want to go home. But he’s falling short because he wants to set you up for long-term success. So with each visit, watch and evaluate how things are going. And frankly, I suspect he’s thinking things are going well because he keeps coming back, right? If something discouraged him, then he could withdraw from your visits.
Assess whether your intentions are not honorable: I must admit that some wives in this situation worry that their husband is simply coming home to have sex or to stimulate the ego and that he has no real intention of returning home forever for a reconciliation. I understand the concern, but you have to be the one to evaluate this because I cannot see first hand what is happening and you know your husband better than anyone.
It makes sense to wonder if he only seems interested in sex and then quickly leaves. Or do you get involved and play it safe out of this and sometimes not even chase after it? In other words, does he seem more interested in connecting or interacting with you outside of physical contact? Do you call and get involved when it is obvious that there can be no contact at the time? If he’s calling you to see how you’re doing without expecting anything in return and seems genuinely concerned other than his visits, then this is revealing.
But if sex worries you or makes you feel like you’re being taken advantage of, then you can certainly speak in a polite way, making it clear that you’re not bringing this up because you want the visits to stop. You just want the visits to take place for the right reasons.
Most of the time, I feel like it’s very encouraging when a separated spouse visits us regularly and I always encourage people to keep taking advantage of those visits. It’s important to make sure they go well so that they keep repeating themselves and become the stepping stones to rebuilding and saving your marriage.