By 
It seems you are making the right decision. The path you are going seems less scary. The difficulty is certain when taking the other path. We know that this option is the best. There are many ways to justify this decision. In his mind, it is the right thing to do for his son. Only you had the foresight to see the danger in your decision.
I write these words from experience. There was a time when I was at the same crossroads. My options were identical: stay or go. Being young and immature, my rationalization led me to leave. His mother did not have the luxury of choosing. Although I justified it in my own mind, there is no reason to abandon a child. Succumbing to fear will never lead to a healthy conclusion. It is the greatest selfish behavior.
Around me I see men making the same decision. It saddens me deeply, because I know the results of your choice. Today, I have the information that I was missing so many years ago. Hindsight is actually 20/20. If I had to do it all over again, I would choose the other way. The one I chose turned out to be the most difficult. It is forged with pain and frustration. Once you walk out that door, it is extremely treacherous to go back inside. We can make up for a lot in life; time is not one of those things.
I see many who believe that they are doing the right thing by leaving. The most common argument is that I cannot make enough money here. Another is not being able to get along with the mother. Both situations can be true. However, they do not apply to one’s relationship with his son. Your child cares little about the money he earns. That child does not care about toys, neither his nor his. And once you leave home, the relationship with the mother is secondary. What matters is being there for your offspring. That is paramount.
Children are tough. They adapt to the circumstances around them. Whatever form the family dynamic takes, they will adjust. The question is how well will it be able to adapt? Don’t be surprised if you learn that your decision created a host of other factors that you never imagined. Are you ready to live with the pain of those factors? Since you may not be aware of the potential dangers of your choice, the chances that you are prepared for them are slim.
My experience is that you have to give up money. Also, do what it takes to get along with the mother. Stop being with your friends and be responsible. Give up alcohol and drugs so you can be a parent. This is the most reasonable option you have. If you choose to continue as you are, your road ahead will be much more bumpy.
There was a time when I decided to give up my son’s life. That one choice alienated me from my daughter for the first 5 years. He didn’t even know that I existed. During that time, another man came into her life who became “dad” to her. To this day, she is still called that even though she understands my biological connection to her. It’s something I live with every day of my life. My choice led me to resign my position as the father of my son.
After gathering the courage to try to resolve the situation with my daughter, it was too late. Entering after 5 years is impossible. Although the courts approved my revival, I did not have my son. His entire world shook to its foundations. Someone of that age has a hard time understanding what is happening. In his mind, I was a disruption to the only world he knew. This instilled a lot of fear that manifested as anger. We are often unaware of how deeply our decisions can affect our children.
If you think the way back was easy, think again. It took another 5-6 years before my daughter was somewhat tolerant of me. As mentioned, I’m still not “dad” to her. And I never will be. That role was sacrificed for my decision. I also had to accept that I have no hope of having the kind of relationship with her that my father has with my sister. That is reserved for whoever chose to be in his life even though this child was not biologically his.
The only hope I have is to be her friend. My job now is to love her in whatever capacity she allows me to. I offer my support without expecting anything in return. I have no right to anything in this relationship. I was the one who decided to leave. I am a guest in his life and I am relegated to behaving like one. My rights went out the window the day I made that unfortunate decision. The courts may say one thing, but the mind of an abandoned child will say something entirely different. In the end, the only thing that matters is your point of view.
Then you have the decision to stay or go. I know how easy the road seems. Do not be fooled. It really is the hardest road to take. This decision will affect the rest of your days. Learn from my experience and make sure you get it right. It does not matter what your relationship with the mother of your child is like. The best I hope is friendly in that department. Money is no substitute for a parent’s love, regardless of how much it is. All your present selfish desires and desires may satisfy you now, but they will leave a big hole for you in the future. That, I can guarantee you.
There is only one option here; that’s staying. Be a part of that child’s life. This does not mean that you should stay with the mother. Some people just don’t belong together. Two people fighting each other fail to create a suitable home for a child. Often times, it is better for everyone involved to separate. However, being a part of that child’s life is always the best option.
I say all this not so much for him, but for yours. I can only speak as someone who abandoned my son and pain is caused in my life. It is not something I would wish on another man. Not only do I feel the suffering inside me, but it doubles when I consider the pain I inflicted on it. My decision affected someone who was completely innocent in the situation. I can assure you that this is not something you want to live with.
Learn from my mistake. It will save you an incalculable amount of suffering. He does not realize the catastrophic consequences of his decision to leave. It is easy to do; I too fell prey to her. However, hindsight led me to write this for your sake. My bed is made. I accept the lifelong consequences of my horrible decision so many years ago. However, I hope you choose the opposite path. If this can help a single person avoid this dangerous state, then my experience was not in vain. Give yourself and your child a great gift by choosing to be a part of his life. I can tell you from experience that you will regret not having done it.