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How do you know if you or someone you know is self-harming? This sounds like a strange question, but many people aren’t sure if what they’re doing is ‘really’ self-harming. Answer these questions:
1. Is physical harm deliberately caused to the point of tissue damage (skin breakdown, bruising, marks lasting more than an hour)?
2. Is he causing this harm to himself as a way of coping with unpleasant or overwhelming emotions, obsessive thoughts, or dissociation?
3. If your self-harm is not compulsive, do you often think about self-harming even when you are relatively calm and don’t do it at the time?
4. Are you ‘accident upside down?’
5. Do you prevent your self-harm from healing?
If you answered ‘Yes’ to items 1 and 2, you are self-harming. If you answered ‘yes’ to questions #3 and #5, you most likely repeatedly self-harm. The way you choose to hurt yourself could be cutting, hitting, burning, scratching, picking at your skin, pulling your hair, hitting your head, breaking bones, not letting wounds heal, abusing drugs or alcohol, or taking other substances lethal”.
Regardless of the definition, self-harm, also known as self-harm, self-mutilation, cutting, burning, you are not doing anything shameful, you are maintaining psychological integrity with the only tool you have. It’s a crude and ultimately self-destructive tool, but it works; temporarily; you get relief from overwhelming emotional pain: fear/anxiety/sadness/anger in your life. Temporary relief is better than no relief.
o Five million Americans engage in some form of self-harm. An estimated three million Americans cut or burn themselves on purpose.
o 90% of people who self-harm start self-harming in adolescence.
o The average self-injurer begins at age fourteen and continues with increasing severity until they choose another coping mechanism or work on healing their emotional wounds.
o People who self-injure are victims of abuse: emotional, physical, sexual abuse or child neglect.
o Self-harm is prevalent across all races and economic levels.
o 60% of people who self-harm are women, 40% are men.
o Self-harm becomes addictive as it provides respite from emotional pain for a short period; then the person repeats their self-injurious behavior to re-create relief.
o People who self-harm are not suicidal, sick, weird, crazy, weird, or mean.
o Self-harm is a solution to unbearable emotional pain.
Self-harm is only a temporary solution. Self-harm makes the person feel better, but only for a short period of time. The only way to feel better is to heal emotional wounds, which leads to self-harm as a coping mechanism. His excruciating emotional pain is extremely elusive and there seems to be no other remedy than to create external pain as a distraction, however temporary.
People become very adept at hiding scars or explaining self-injurious behavior. Look for signs such as: preference for wearing concealed clothing at all times (long sleeves in hot weather), avoiding situations where more revealing clothing is the norm (refusing to wear shorts, bathing suits, short sleeves, etc.) or frequent complaints of accidental injuries–falls, slips, scrapes on arms or legs, frequent black and blue marks.
Talk therapy is inadequate for uncovering emotional pain and healing trapped trauma in the muscles and tissues. To fully appreciate the depth of this pain, I will quote one of my clients: “Even my blood hurts.” A multifaceted healing process focused specifically on recovery from emotional, physical, and sexual abuse and diligent work is most effective; where the survivor can replenish her emotional and spiritual identity and empowerment.