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Are you struggling with confusion and loss of meaning in your life? Have no idea where to turn or what you even want to try? You can be sure that others have faced this point of despair, and yet somehow managed to get past this terrible barrier. How was it possible?
There are many things to consider in coping with the difficult changes brought about by the death of a loved one. A good approach is to recognize that all areas of your life can be affected in some way. So start the task of finding some balance and stability by addressing what is the most daunting challenge you are facing right now. To do that, examine how the grievance attacks these four areas of your life.
1. Emotionally. What emotions overwhelm you? Is there anger, guilt, hate, or a sense of utter devastation? Do you feel hemmed in by the idea that you are alone or totally responsible for your young children? Are you firmly convinced that you will never be happy again? Examine your thoughts very carefully and try to find one or two emotions or thoughts that seem to be the most difficult for you to deal with. Be specific. When you’re alone, grab a pen and paper and write them down.
2. Physically. Consider what has caused you to deal with your loss on a physical level. Is your energy level at its lowest point? What has contributed the most to this feeling? Lack of sleep? Too much caffeine and too little solid food? Has an old injury or condition suddenly flared up? Are you dealing with a cold? Have you forgotten to take your medication? Again, carefully weigh the most important factor that has contributed to your physical condition at this time. Now write it on your list.
3. Socially. Often the death of a loved one makes us withdraw. Additionally, emotions such as anger, depression, and guilt are isolating emotions and often keep friends and family at a distance. What is the nature and effectiveness of your support system? Do you have good listeners or people who are always trying to fix you? Are you contributing to your isolation by refusing to go out or driving people away with what you say? What is the number one need that you hoped your friends and family would fill, but it hasn’t? Review your social and support needs and choose the most important one that needs to be addressed. Put it on your list.
4. Spiritually. We often think about the reason for death. Because right now? Why him/her? Now what have I done to deserve this? Sometimes our faith and spiritual beliefs are shaken to their very roots. We blame God for not hearing our prayers and allowing this to happen. Have you forgotten that you are not alone and that love will prevail? Are you shying away from letting your Higher Power see you for who you are because of your loss?
Even though you are deeply hurt, you can still be the answer to someone else’s prayer. What should you do to recover your daily spirituality? The new meaning of life? Decide where you are with your spiritual beliefs and your loss and what is missing. Again, put it on your list.
You now have four or five needs on your list of the four areas of your life that have been affected by the death of your loved one. The next step is to prioritize them. What should you deal with first? Once you have chosen it, start immediately to start the tort work. Decide who you need to help deal with your top priority. Decide what information is necessary for you to collect. Then, and most importantly, what specific behaviors you should initiate. Let “one need at a time” be your motto. Address the first priority, then the second, and so on.
In short, there are no secret steps to instant healing. Each complaint is unique and the complaint work is highly individual. But you can get information and guidance on where to start, and specifically where you need the most help. This is a place for you to start your comeback. Come closer, just a little. Refuse to withdraw. persists. Time is not a healer, you are your healer. You can get over your big loss.