By 
Probably sixty percent of the emails I receive are from wives dealing with the reality of a divorce. Almost everyone wants to save their marriages and isn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet. They want to know: if their husbands can change their minds and reconsider the divorce; how can they make this happen; and when this change might occur. I will answer these questions in the next article.
You can’t make him or force him to stop the divorce, but you can help him want to: Many wives approach this as a battle. The emails I receive ask for advice on how to “do it” or “get me” to change my mind. This wording alone implies that you are trying to force or trick this man into doing something he just doesn’t want to do, almost as if he is kicking and yelling all the way back, but he will reluctantly return just the same. . Is this really what you want?
Of course not. You are going to have a much greater degree of success and satisfaction if you are able to get to a place where you are equally committed and willing to save the marriage. You want him to want to be there as much as you want him there. And you’re not likely to succeed if you face him as an adversary or take a combative stance.
In fact, you will almost want to do the opposite. You want him to think that you are committed to his happiness and to helping him get what he wants (even though we both know that this will lead to YOU getting what you want).
Ignore the divorce for now and focus on the day to day: The truth is that many women act badly and desperately with the threat of divorce on the horizon. This little word causes panic, fear, and despair, all very negative emotions that can cause you to do or say things you’re likely to regret later. We started bombarding him with questions and accusations. We try to make you feel guilty. Or we’re just so nasty because we want to lash out at him so he’s just as hurt as we are. But, all of these things only dig a deeper hole and take you further from your true goal.
So even though it may be hard at first, I want you to take your mind off the divorce. You’ll work much better and be much more convincing when you don’t have this threat breathing down your neck. He promises, at least for the next few months, to take things one day at a time. Divorces take time to become final. You probably have more time than you think, and counting the days will only cause you to react negatively. Right now, we are going to take things one day at a time, conduct ourselves with dignity and grace, and focus only on ending our time with the husband on a positive note. Yes, these are small victories. But, small victories eventually add up until you create a new reality.
Know that your husband will change his mind about divorce when you show him that things can really change in your marriage: Well here is the short answer. I have quite a bit of knowledge about men who have initiated a divorce. Many of them write to me and tell me what they feel. Almost everyone tells me that divorce is a reality because they simply feel that things cannot and will not change. They share that they feel more like a brother or roommate to their wives. They feel that their wife no longer has time for them, that she cares more about the children, her career, her parents and her family. They tell me that there is no more laughter, intimacy or feeling of connection. And they tell me that this has been going on for a long time and they’ve repeatedly tried to fix it, and now they’re pretty sure it won’t change and there’s no way to rescue it.
At the end of the day, the core of a divorce is often a lack of connection and intimacy. Because when two people feel this way, they can usually weather any marital storm. So if she wants to change her man’s mind about the divorce, then she must focus on restoring these things and showing her husband with her actions, not her words, that she can succeed with it. this.
This probably seems like a tall order when you don’t live together or at least don’t have access to it. This is where it comes to him from a place of association. It is important to communicate that you agree that the marriage is broken and that you both deserve better. Explain to him that he is too important to you to let things deteriorate like this. So, you will focus on what you can: get out of this in a way that you can be proud of. He may be hesitant at first, but as you behave this way, he will eventually perk up a bit.
When you do, it is very important that you give the best of yourself. Listen carefully. Lean in when he talks. Emphasize that you are on his side and that you support him. Because truly, you are already the person who can turn your husband’s gaze and possess his heart. You already did it once. But somehow the stress of everyday life took a bit of the shine off this woman. Now, it’s time to take it back and claim it. Because she’s the one your husband really wants. And once she comes back, and you approach him from an even spot (and move slowly), everything else should fall into place.