By 
Sometime in the spring of 1991, I was in a meeting. Now mind you, I had already been to many meetings by this time, but this particular meeting brought new meaning to me. You see, at that point I started to understand what people were reading, at the beginning of the meeting. How it works, The Serenity Prayer, The Promises, etc. started to make sense, in plain English terms. Before that, I only heard echoes of words, that didn’t make sense to me. The many years of alcohol and drugs, I thought that my brain was damaged beyond repair. People sometimes said, “Chuck, maybe this is as good as you.” The fear of getting worse and ending up like one of those guys on the street was enough to motivate me not to drink. However, there were times when I thought what was the point and would want to give up, but never did. No matter how bad I felt or how difficult life seemed to be, I never gave up. I knew deep down that this was my last and only life without alcohol. I couldn’t see myself without drinking, but at the same time I knew that alcohol would lead to a death worse than dying. You see my last drunk, he wanted to die, my wife left with our son. Life as he had known it, because he lived hell. I came the next morning. even after drinking enough to put the average man into a coma or even kill him. He knew that drinking would never end the pain. Made things worse. Somehow, somehow I needed to continue. I have to be better than I am now. If only I could see something that would show me, there is something good about not drinking other than not drinking. Yes, I felt better in the morning. Yeah, I didn’t come up with an alibi for my whereabouts the night before. No fines or accidents. I wanted to feel loved and useful. I wanted to please. I wanted friends, but most of all I wanted someone to tell me if I’m better and I’m doing better, because frankly, I just didn’t know!
Meanwhile, while thinking about all this, the meeting started and continued. It was time for the announcements. Oh wow, let’s go with the same boring blah blah about open talks and social events I was too scared to go to. This old man stands up and walks to the front of the aisle, next to the podium, and takes a deep breath. It seems that he is trying to suppress his emotions, as if he is announcing the death of his mother or another close relative. No, instead, his eyes are full of stars, a big smile crosses his face and he says, “I remember when this young man first walked into the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, he was devastated. He was scared and angry, he felt desperate and he asked me to help him. We worked together through the Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, and he is a changed man. So it is a great pleasure for me. Can you all help me congratulate Steve P., who is celebrating a year of sobriety? My jaw dropped and my eyes widened and filled with tears. I felt something in that hallway, I had never felt it before. I never saw anything like this in my life. Steve smiled like the old man, his godfather, and tears were running down his face. He held this bronze token in his hand like it was an Olympic Games gold medal. Everyone was shaking his hand and hugging him. I heard Steve tell his story in meetings before and for me it was had come back much worse than me. The first thing that came to mind was, if Steve can do it, so can I. He said his sponsor not only guided him through the Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, but also made coffee and helped set up his home group meeting. His sponsor added that he was also the group’s president. Well, the gears started turning in my head. If I want to achieve what Steve did, I will have to do what Steve did.
The following Sunday I arrived early at my home group and asked Ray and another boy if he could help with the organization. They said sure! I felt a bit on the important side, because I thought that only certain people were allowed to be coffee makers and prepare for meetings. Also, it seemed like anyone willing to help clean up could do it. On Thursday in the same meeting room, Ray and a different guy were making coffee, and I asked if I could help again. Ray showed me how to make the coffee and prepared the area where we put the coffee, cream and sugar. This went on for a few weeks and I was finally given the key to the hallway, Ray and Bob said I was ready to handle a big responsibility. I could handle the responsibility myself. I just looked at the keys and got scared and proud at the same time. They told me to pray and ask for GOD’s help and I will do well. Before my first meeting as a coffee maker and preparer, I did what I was told and everything went great. Ray was chairing the meeting by then, and I watched him do it, because he had hopes of being president one day. Hitting the mallet, asking for a moment of silence for those who suffer, choosing people to read “How it works”, The promises, and so on. You know it’s a lot of responsibility.
A couple of months went by and Ray came to see me and told me that he would be leaving town to visit his mother and that he would serve as president until he returned. I was beaming with pride and as scared as responsibility was accepted. I did the same as Ray. I distributed the readings, called the meeting, that meant I asked for a moment of silence for all those who were suffering and began the Serenity Prayer. I stood there scared and proud, thinking to myself, “I finally feel like someone.” The following week, Ray called and said that he could not attend the meeting because he was still visiting his mother and that he needed her to do him a special favor. I’m thinking to myself, here I am, the coffee maker, the cook guy, what’s next now that he’s secretary and treasurer and now he wants me to do what? I know I’m a hyperactive guy with infinite energy, but come on, enough is enough! Although Ray’s voice was different this time. He said, Chuck, this is a very important task and a great honor. I want you to give Danny his 9-year record. Danny, he was a guy whose wife had died because she had started drinking again and was about to drink himself, but somehow managed to stay sober. Danny said things that helped me in the meetings, and I thought it would be strange if I was the one to give him his anniversary sobriety token, after all, he hadn’t had a year of sobriety. What about Gary B., I said? Chuck, it was Gary’s idea for you to give Danny his token. You’ll do fine
On Sunday I made coffee. Get everything ready for the AA meeting, while I rehearse my speech. I wanted this to be as perfect as possible, and it sounded pretty good too.
The meeting went as usual. He asked for a moment of silence, and I had to yell at the guys in the back to be quiet, we started a meeting. I passed the readings, I’m still rehearsing my speech, in my head for the umpteenth time. Finally it was time to make the announcement. I held the token in my hand and rubbed all the sweat on my shirt. I said, beginning to choke: “It is a great pleasure for me to give Danny F. his record of nine years.” People stood up and clapped. Hell, I didn’t think it was that good. Danny came up to me. I gave him the token. He hugged me! Oh Lord! Why do men have to hug? Yeck. Someone yelled, “How did you do it? He let me go. Thank GOD. He said, by the Grace of GOD, the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, my Sponsor Ray and you guys. I stood there with tears running down my face and not I cared. Giving someone an anniversary token is like letting them know you’re there for them and giving them that pat on the back that many of us need from time to time, congratulations and thank you all at the same time.
A month or so passed, now it was March 3, next week will be my first anniversary, as long as I don’t drink. At every meeting I attended, people asked me how I was doing. They must have known, I was afraid of not making it. For the past year, I was going through a divorce and had not seen my son, who is now 3 years old, while trying to stay sober. All of that really hurt. I kept making coffee, organizing the meetings in my home group and also chaired them. Ray, he was treasurer and secretary. Funny how it worked that way. He was sure there was some kind of conspiracy going on. I thought of Danny. He never gave up and he never gave up. I thought of Steve P. He never gave up and he never gave up. I thought about how I could give my younger brother a 5 year token. Finally, March 10 arrived and it was a very long day before the meeting started. All I did that day was think and look at the clock. It was finally 6 PM and I got to the meeting room earlier than usual because I couldn’t take the wait any longer, doing my AA home group tasks would help kill time and I felt safe there. I made the coffee, set up the coffee area, laid out the meeting books, before I knew it, I was at the front of the meeting and asked, “Are there any announcements for the good of AA? My sponsor Gene, a great celebrity, just ask him lawyer, he stood up with a big giant smile on his face, stood up and began to speak as he walked towards me, “It gives me the greatest of pleasures, to give this little one, who has grown up in this Alcoholics Anonymous program and fellowship, your One Year Card. “People stood up, cheered, and shouted,” How did you do it? “He hugged me. Why do these guys keep hugging me? I just said,” Thank you. I didn’t do it, we did it! “
I will never forget that day as long as I live. It has been more than twenty years since that day, and I have not considered it necessary to have a drink since I entered Alcoholics Anonymous, and if I had, it certainly would not have been necessary.