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Have you been frozen by the fear of the unknown that makes you hesitate when making the decisions you need so much? Or, has thinking about the future and how you are going to manage without your loved one brought you great anxiety? Fear of the unknown is one of the most common complaint-related issues and the most difficult to treat.
Why is this so? Simply because uncertainty is an integral part of life that most ignore until forced to face it. So we have to take a stand when we are in an anxious frame of mind. The choice becomes: learn to live one day at a time (perhaps one minute at a time) or allow the unknown to fill us with paralyzing fear and freeze us. So what can we do to deal with the fear of the future, the unknown?
1. Realize that taking risks is still a productive method of dealing with the unknown. Risk taking is at the very core of growth and advancement. It implies new learning, sacrifices and being open to the belief that failure is part of the learning curve; gives us new information to continue. Be willing to come out of your shell and start over and over again, even though you are hurting.
2. Recognize that millions before you, myself included, have learned to live with uncertainty. Psychotherapist Pauline Boss in Ambiguous Loss says, “While our longing for certainty is normal, it’s also natural to never find it.” The key word is natural and that you can live with uncertainty, however unpleasant it may be.
Living with that means we need to keep experimenting to find ways to recognize that it’s okay to be uncertain. At the same time, we make and execute plans to manage it (as mentioned above, new learning is the key). Then, when one approach doesn’t work, try another.
3. Focus your attention more on the present and less on the future. This requires a concerted effort to be sure. But it can be done, and it’s a crucial strategy. Focus and attend to immediate needs. And, when you feel the downward spiral of thinking the worst about what lies ahead, refocus your attention on something healthy in the present.
Become an expert in refocusing and adopt it as a lifelong skill. Trust those you are close to. It’s okay to lean on them and share your fear and ask for advice. Take it, if it suits you. Let it go for further consideration, if not.
The key understanding is to take action after assessing the dynamics of the situation and consulting with those who have input that could be useful to your plan. The latter can help immensely to allay fears, so seek out the wise and experienced, even if you have to pay an expert for advice.
The most consistent suggestion coming from counselors of all stripes is: Face your uncertainty-based fears. Don’t let them immobilize you. Remember, there will always be moments of not knowing, it is inescapable. However, the good thing is that the story of facing the unknown tells us that you will prevail.