By 
People who have never dealt with marital infidelity have the perception that people who cheat or have affairs don’t really regret it as much (except when they’ve been caught) and don’t really learn the moral lesson they should. learn.
Although I used to have many similar preconceived notions about people who cheated, I have come to realize that my views on this were not entirely accurate.
From the correspondence I receive, I have come to believe that many people are deeply and desperately sorry for their deception or affair. And many of them come to understand very deep truths about themselves or about their marriages. Unfortunately, many come to deeply value their marriages only when they realize they have been put at risk. This is the great irony and anguish of the whole affair.
For example, you might hear a wife say, “I’m so embarrassed and sad to admit this, but I never appreciated my husband as much as I should. He grew up right next to me. I’ve known him all my life. For a long time.” , I saw him as the kid with freckles who was a great pitcher when we played baseball. I didn’t give him a second look. And we were friends for many years before anything romantic happened between us. Even as my friend, I could always count on him. When he became my boyfriend and then my husband, he was always consistent, dependent and understanding. He never let me down. But at the time, I was so stupid. I mistook his firmness for being boring. I got tired of him being ‘too nice’ .So I started flirting with this man at my job.I told myself that this flirting was harmless and just giving me an outlet to make my marriage a bit happy.This may have worked, except the other man wasn’t happy . simply accept a harmless flirtation. He wanted more. And when I didn’t automatically give him more, he started chasing me. I resisted at first, but eventually gave in because I just couldn’t resist. it would be very short and then I would break it. But the other man became so needy that every time I tried to break him, he would do something to make me stay. In the midst of this, my mother became ill and I had to be hospitalized. My job doesn’t offer much flexibility. So she couldn’t be in the hospital as much as she wanted. But my husband could be. And he was. The other man came to the hospital when my husband was there and that is how my husband found out about it. sick I went to the hospital to be with my mom saying: ‘my respect and love for your mother has not changed. I’ve known her my whole life and I won’t abandon her for something that isn’t her fault. That’s when I realized how stupid I am. My husband is the highest quality person I have ever met. I had the best husband in the world and I potentially ruined him. A couple of times, I plucked up the courage and asked my husband if he was going to leave me and all he said is that we have too much to do right now to make a decision. However, he is still respectful to me. I’m so mad at myself and so sad to lose potentially the best thing that’s ever happened to me. How could I have been so stupid? What can I do now?”
Your situation perfectly demonstrates the great irony that so many of us have experienced. Many of us don’t really know what we have until it’s gone or we are at great risk of losing it.
You cannot change what has happened. You have to take responsibility for it and then make it your main goal in life to make things right again. He’s lucky that her husband is still around and committed to not making snap decisions. (Many spouses leave pretty quickly.) This may give you an advantage, but it is very important that you do not take advantage of her husband in any way.
You now realize what a wonderful person and gift he is, so treat him exactly like that. There is nothing wrong with sharing your realizations with him, but understand that he may doubt what you are saying. I was the faithful wife in my own marriage, and when my husband said things like, “I took you for granted. Now I realize you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I made fun of him. I heard the words from him, but all I could think was things like: “well, you weren’t thinking about how great it was when you slept with someone else.”
If you really want your spouse back, you need to be patient and understanding when they fight or feel angry. Honestly, you have to promise to put up with it, even when they are cold or even insulting. You must realize that they are worth the wait.