By 
I’ve really been pushing my comfort level with two jobs and going back to school to learn French. So my main goal has been to try to keep all the random pieces together. I have tried to maintain a careful balance between the mental and emotional aspects of my life. I share these thoughts with you in the hope of creating a bridge of understanding that will help you when the going gets tough and push your skills further than you ever thought possible. This is what I experience as the growth process.
I believe and understand that when an object reaches a critical mass, you have three options. (Maybe more … but let’s focus on these three)
1) It turns off and does not react. (Is not sufficient)
2) Stabilize and maintain the current state. (Perfection)
3) Beg. (Too)
Things have been a bit overwhelming as I try to find and maintain a balance. I have learned that I can work very well under stress, but I also have to admit that I do not deal well with the outside world while stressed. I’ve been trying to balance everything, all the time, everywhere … the normal person realizes that this is impossible … I still think it can be done.
So, the reality that I have generated is that of working from 10 to. M. Until 6:30 and then study until 2 a. M. Every night. Get some sleep and then try to do things like do laundry, clean, eat in the time left. It saddens me to say that the equation I have created is a mathematician’s nightmare. So Critical Mass + moments of less than optimal balance = a very special level of well-meticulously created insanity.
For example and some test. I woke up this morning to the sound of the alarm and it was very calm and quiet in my mind. The sun was up and it looked like a great day. But something seemed wrong. It wasn’t that I felt good or bad, it was more the fact that I didn’t feel anything. My mind and body had become emotionally disconnected.
I didn’t care that there was a random woman under my window yelling at her husband in the alley, or that she had a big French test tomorrow night. I also had to leave for work in an hour because there was a lot of paperwork waiting for me … increasing my stress level even more. Nothing mattered … I reached critical mass I only had two options left, stabilize emotionally or implode … my smarter self took control and made the decision for me.
What should an individual do at this time? Have you ever tried so hard that you just lost your way? I must admit that at first this scared me. Because he was afraid he had pushed so hard that there was no way forward or backward. I had reached Critical Mass and somehow created my own personal black hole. I was replaced by this great void. What I had always known to be true was up for debate and I was not invited to the meeting.
So, it’s not that I gave up. I will still push myself beyond my comfort levels. But this made me stop today and think. What is enough, when will I be happy with what I can achieve?
In a day,
one week,
one month,
one year.
Is there a point where I will say that this is enough …
I dont know …
Do you still know what your limitations are?