By 
We often feel a deep empathy towards certain people whom we do not receive in return. They are usually negative types of people, such as hot-tempered or narcissistic people, who take advantage of our goodness for their own desire. Somewhere deep in our thoughts, we thought that maybe if we treated them well and showed them our great kindness, they would treat us better and even change their behavior for us. But the truth is that people don’t change overnight.
We may find ourselves with a selfish partner and although our partner is difficult, some of us will find it even more difficult to leave that hurtful relationship. Everyone around us already tells us to defend ourselves and leave, they even criticize how weak and stupid we are for continuing with that hurtful relationship and even accuse us of liking being treated badly. But nobody likes to be treated badly. The reason it’s so hard to leave is that while it hurts, some of us can find the comfort of familiarity in it. Our lack of understanding causes us to stay. Only because we are afraid to leave. We have nowhere to go and, above all, we are afraid of things that are not familiar to us.
Studies say that we are attracted to what is familiar to us and that mere exposure will affect our attitude towards certain people. For example, if you grow up with temperamental parents, you will tend to find a partner with temperament problems. Not because you consciously find them attractive, but because of the familiarity you unconsciously recognize in them. This is our subliminal mind and we are not aware of making such a choice. Whether for better or worse, our subliminal minds will allow us to stay in this relationship because they find it comforting in a sense of familiarity.
Some people may think that it is commitment and love that makes you stay with a hurtful partner. But you have to understand the difference between love and familiarity. Both generate comfort, but there is a big difference. With familiarity, you feel comfortable because you already feel used to it and you’ve already developed the capacity to deal with it. You learn to survive and just ignore some hurtful truths and turn your head to the fact that you actually deserve someone much better. You find yourself trapped because you are too comfortable in your comfort zone. You assume that it would be more difficult to live outside your circle and that you could hurt yourself even more.
The consolation that love gives is different. You feel comfortable with your partner not only because of how kind, compassionate, and loving they are to you, but also because your partner makes you feel comfortable and confident. You love your partner for what he is and for what he makes you feel about your whole being. Your heart is full of unassuming happiness. This kind of comfort is simple but difficult to feel because it is rare. And if you feel that way with a certain person, you may feel love.
To find the comfort that only love can give, you first have to be aware of whether what you have right now is familiarity or love. Don’t blame yourself if you keep having the same hurtful relationships. Remember that you cannot control what you are not aware of. The important thing is that you can see the pattern that your subliminal mind makes you choose and learn from it.
It can be difficult at first to let go of the chains of comfort you feel with familiarity, and some things may seem strange to you. But let the strangeness settle with you. Because soon you will realize how happy you are without your hurtful partner. Then you can decide what kind of person you really want in your life and what you deserve. Let go of fear and free yourself from the bonds of the past.